Dear Grandpa,

I am in a better place today. I have this best friend named Shaadiah. She & I have been best friends since kindergarten & I don't know what I'd do without her. I kept running around in circles in my mind about Isaac & she made me realize that I'm over thinking it all. He doesn't text a lot, that's just who he is. He'd rather talk on the phone, but he can't do that a lot, so that is just how this is going. I know I sound all discombobulated, but that's because I'm listening to an artist & picking out the songs that would make me depressed. I've realized that if I listen to really sad, emotional songs, it makes me feel that way & I'm never a good person to be around when I listen to that, so I have to be careful. Today was a very good day. Shaadiah came over & we spent a lot of time together. The weather is wonderful. I feel so chipper when it's like this. It feels like spring, & it's only January! I know it's bad for the crops but ... I can't help loving it! It's out of my hands. Seasonal depression is such a dangerous thing. especially in Minnesota. Shaadiah is helping me to get out of my head so much. I can't over think things as much as I do, it's just not healthy. Which I know is true because of the way I've been feeling. My hands are always shaking & my stomach is always bubbling & my back has become a wall of knots. I'm on a new medication ... I've been avoiding this one because it has so many side effects. I hate it, especially because I've only taken half a pill & I'm already seeing side effects. It's really quite aggravating. Ugh. I'm also freaking out about the up coming deadline for my application to Creighton. It's the most intense one so far, & I am freaking out. I say a lot of stupid things when I'm nervous, Grandpa, & it's very embarrassing. I mean I have so much on my mind when I'm nervous, & all of a sudden things are rolling off my tongue that I never gave permission to come out. It's disconcerting. If you hadn't noticed, I'm trying to use bigger words, just to make myself appear to be more intelligent than I usually am perceived. I'm not sure it'll work, but it's worth a shot! I wish you were here, Grandpa. I'd be nice to hear you talk about how proud you are of me & to hear your jokes. I met my Great Uncle Louie whom I've been told is the most like you & it makes me even more eager to know you. But I will not be able to until we all meet in Heaven. I hope there is perpetual Springtime there. Always the damp smell of growing & melting. I adore it all. I wonder if Heaven is different for everyone. At times I think I would like that, but I would like there to be a place where everyone can meet & be together in one place. I am looking forward to Heaven, I only hope that I will be worthy of it. Could you help me with that, Grandpa? I miss you a lot & I hope the weather is nice where ever you are. Blow a kiss to Grandpa Saponara for me! I'll be looking for you in the wind & sky.
Love,
Me.