Life is hard, isn't it. Just when you think you're getting ahead, someone tries to push you back down. Grandpa, I'm done letting people push me down. I'm done allowing myself to be the punching bag. I keep putting myself in these terrible situations & it's just ... it's disappointing. I don't think I hate myself as much as I am disappointed in myself. I know better. Every time I do something stupid, I KNOW I'm doing it. I think to myself, "You're going to regret this!" & I still do it. I set myself up for failure. Instead of ordering a salad, I get fries. Instead of buying fruit to snack on, I buy candy. Instead of working out for 30 minutes, I watch T.V. for 3 hours. I know better, but I think I'm just afraid to fail. If I don't try, I won't fail, but that's not the truth. That's not the way the world works. I will keep gaining weight & keep failing myself. But not anymore. I refuse to allow myself to continue this destructive lifestyle. I am better than this. I am better than my mother. I am better than Isaac. I will not fall victim to myself. I will not. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done, but Grandpa the world is my oyster!!! I can do ANYTHING I want! ANYTHING!!! I'm up for a promotion for a job I haven't even started yet! I have people who will help me strive for excellence! All I ask is that you help me along the way. Give me the strength to keep going even when I want to give up. Please. I need you. I love & miss you. Tell Aunt I say hi & that I miss her with every breath.
Love,
Me.
