Aunt died. I haven't had a chance to really let it sink in except for the funeral & wake. They had me sing & it was so hard. There's so much to tell you! I got the apartment, everything has improved since that, Grandpa. Honestly, my headaches have gone down, I'm less stressed out, things are just wonderful. I am currently being paid to act which is amazing. Grandpa, I've never been chosen before anyone else before. I've never been ... I just ... It's overwhelming. Also very humbling to be working with some of these people. It's not as great as being in a musical, but I am going to take what I can get. Still no men in my life, though that's from a complete lack of trying. I am just scared. I've never had a type, I don't know what to do. There're a few guys I've had crushes on but ... they never seem to be the right guy you know? Also the fact that I am waiting until marriage is always a terrifying thing. I'm scared I'll never find anyone because of it. Society has made it so we just expect everyone to do it. But I don't want to. I just don't. I miss you. I miss feeling connected to you. Could you help me find my way again? I'm feeling dispassionate about almost everything. Even God. Which honestly is the part that is scaring me most. I need Him. I need you. I need something, someone to lean on. But I've just been leaning on myself, & that just does not work. Can you watch out for me? Help me out? Lead me to the path I'm supposed to take? Also, if you could send me a nice guy that'd be swell. The depression comes & goes, ebbs & flows. I think it's trying to latch itself to me now that Fall is inching its way here. Help me, Grandpa. I feel so alone right now. I miss you, tell Aunt I say hi. Let her know how missed she is & how grateful I am to her.
Love,
Me.
