Dear Grandpa,

I'm scared. I'm not used to this feeling of complete & utter hopelessness. Maybe it's the snow & the general BLAH that I see when I look outside, or maybe it's the fact that in a week from right now I will be in the hospital & preparing to have my jaw cut & reformed ... what ever it is, it's scaring the bejeebers out of me & I am not appreciating it, especially since I have so much to do. I don't know how to cope with this, you know? & then I can't help but want to escape & then I dig myself an even deeper hole. GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... Life is going to be the death of me. I have no idea what's gotten into me, but my body is on a lock down of some sort & I can't seem to shake it. It's kind of pissing me off to be honest. Ugh I have a test today that I haven't gotten yet & I was gone basically everyday of that Unit which is going to destroy my grade. GAH! Honestly it's ridiculous! I'm over that guy by the way. ;) I have become so very very fickle recently which is both good & bad .... I prided myself in being able to stick with one guy & I'm sure I would if one came along that actually wanted me ... of course those hormones are replaced by depression so ... who knows if it was for the best ... well I know it was because he is 20 & was flirting a lot with another girl in our show so ... yes. I must get back to working like a crazy mo-fo. I love you & miss you.

Love,

Me.