Dear Grandpa,

It's been over a month ... & I am better than I was. Between you, me & a few of my friends, I never went to class ... or almost never. Grandpa, I would go to campus, stand outside the buildings, but I couldn't make myself go inside. I wanted to be better, I wanted to be amazing ... But I wasn't. Now I will be. I'm seriously considering taking a semester off to get myself together because though I feel a lot better, I'm still not here. The girl I used to be is starting to resurface, but it's going to take a while. I will do everything in my power to get better, Grandpa. I don't want to be that girl who lets life pass her by. I miss Isaac. So much. With every breath. Sometimes, I can convince myself that I don't care anymore but ... it'll always be there. How horrible am I?! I dated another guy & it's as if that never happened ... I feel awful ... I guess that is how it goes. I love this world. It just likes to kick me when I'm down. I am employee of the month again! I cannot begin to tell you how honored I am that they have chosen me again. Without my job, I may have killed myself. That's frightening to say. Nope, terrifying. I don't know why. I have no idea what has happened to me over the past year but it's been the worst. I will get better. I have been to Valley Fair twice. Ridden all but one ride that terrifies me. I have made a promise to my best friend that I will ride Riptide before the end of summer. It lifts you up into the air way way WAY up high & you're only in a harness & dropped. I am going to die. But it's so very exciting. I am amazing, Grandpa. I just have to get myself to really believe that.
Love,
Me.