I want to die. I want death to find me & eat me alive. I can't do it myself, I just can't, but I want it so badly. Grandpa, they all let me lie. My best friends don't even see me. I am failing everything. I have nothing & I am nothing. It's not even just about Isaac anymore. I love him. I always will. My heart will forever be slowly ripping because he's gone. That's just something I have to live with. I can't feel anything real other than pain. I will never be okay again. That's how I feel. My parents can't even see my pain. They only see the surface. That's all people ever see. The surface. There is an ocean of pain here. It's all I have. I can't wake up in the morning. It's not even a choice. I just don't wake up. I don't believe in anything anymore, Grandpa. Not God, not you. Definitely not myself. No one should believe in me. I don't exist. I am a shadow. That's all I am. I just want to die. It's my only wish. The only thing I want anymore. To sleep & never wake up. All my troubles would go away.
Love,
-Me.
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