Merry Christmas, Grandpa! You have a beautiful family, I hope you know that. I felt you smiling upon us this evening as we threw wrapping paper wads at each other in a fit of laughter. It has been a truly blessed Christmas. I went to Confession yesterday & got all the repulsive Isaac things off my chest at long last, as well as a bunch of other things. I feel so at peace. There is truly nothing better than to be free of my mistakes. I also texted Isaac today ... I haven't checked in a few hours but last I knew he was ignoring me ... That should hurt, Grandpa, but it really doesn't. It just reinforces all the things that have been floating in my head. It gives me closure & that makes me so happy. I went on Facebook tonight & everyone was posting about the things they got & I had been excited to do so as well, but when I saw it, it made me sick. None of it matters, Grandpa, because today my Savior was born. On this night, my sins were taken from me at the sight of the newborn baby Jesus. I feel renewed, I feel so full of the Holy Spirit, because today, none of the presents mattered. My dad is telling my mom the story of how you gave Gran the ring for your engagement ... It makes me smile so widely to know that love like that exists. I've said this before, but I have so many doubts of my finding someone who will actually love me ... I listen to my new favorite boy band One Direction & they sing the sweetest songs, but they end up meaning almost nothing to me because they are all sung either out of lust or in reaction to their sexual encounters. Well ... everyone but Niall ... He's my favorite. He at least believes in waiting until marriage ... See? More glimmers of hope! Well, I really ought to go to bed, but I just wanted to thank you for my family. I would not have them if it were not for you. Also, for being with me everyday. I can feel you again. You are in the little children I stuff animals for, you are in my friends as they help me to feel whole again. You are in the air I breathe, the wind that lifts my hair from my face, the sun that kisses my face, and the music that caresses my soul. Merry Christmas, Grandpa & thank you for this beautiful life I have. Give Grandpa S. that same gratitude & remain with me as I enter this new year. I wish you could have been there to help me fight off uncle Steve in our wrapping paper war, I know you would have been on my side, like you always are. I love you.
Love,
Me.
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