Isaac is going to break up with me tonight. He's been putting it off. I called him about 45 minutes ago & he said he'd call me later. I have our 8 month anniversary present for him right next to me. I feel like vomiting & dying right here, right now. I don't know what I did, I really don't. I want to die. Right now. Just end it all. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. My skin is prickling with ice. How can this be happening? After everything? AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR HIM!!! After all these years ... WHAT HAPPENED?!?!? I can't believe this is happening. My heart is breaking, Grandpa. Shattering. It's my fault. He can never see me because I'm never available ... He deserves someone he can see more often ... But it hurts me. It really does. Because I love him, Grandpa. I love him so much. But in the end. I just want him to be happy. I will thank God for the amazing past 8 months, drop off his t-shirt & his present, & let him go. I thought I'd cried all the tears I had left ... Apparently I didn't. I can't do this. I really can't. I wish he wouldn't make me wait. It's killing me. I can't talk to anyone about it because they all have their own problems & I deserve this. I can't keep waiting for him to call. I can't. Grandpa, send me strength. Hold me. Please. I need someone.
Love,
Me.
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